INCEST

What is Incest?

  • You have probably may have experienced or heard stories around sexual abuse/contact between family members. Disheartening news of fathers raping daughters, as well as inappropriate relationships between sons, mothers, uncles and nieces and nephews.
  • Incest is defined as sexual abuse by family members and close relatives
  • One of the hardest form of abuse is incest where the perpetrator is known therefore can be difficult to disclose.
  • Most victims of incest are children and adolescents - in these situations the perpetrator often is a trusted adult relation who holds authority and takes decisions regarding the life of the victim.

WHY DO I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT BEING ABUSED SEXUALLY BY A FAMILY MEMBER?

There are so many reasons why persons that have been violated sexually by a blood relative or someone they know closely may be afraid to report the act. Some of these include:

  • The fear of not being believed by other family members
  • The abuser may have told you it happens in the family and it is normal
  • Fear of what will happen to the abuser if reported
  • You are scared that the abuser will continue to threaten you or harm you 

WHAT CAN I DO WHEN I HAVE BEEN VIOLATED?

Like with rape, incest is never your fault and you do not have to blame yourself. You may be left with little or no self-esteem, may have become an alcohol/drug addict or perhaps contemplated suicide. Remember, this is not your fault (and sincerely, it isn’t), and you cannot take the fall for it. Here are some tips on what you can do to help ease your pain:

  • Acknowledge that it will take tremendous strength to get out of your abusive environment. Only you can make this happen!
  • Accept that you have been abused in order to stop the denial. Once you admit that the abuse is happening, you can start the process of healing and progressing with your life.
  • You need incredible courage and reliable professional and/or spiritual help. If you cannot talk to a family member, for fear or distrust for them, talk to a counsellor or health provider, or your spiritual or religious trusted person about the incidence(s). This can be difficult, but is a good start to finding a solution and building a helpful support system.
  • Discuss options to ensure your safety, perhaps moving out to live with another relative or to a hostel.
  • There are often support groups for people who have been victims of incest, seek out and join them. Sharing your experience definitely helps to heal pains.